Monday, February 22, 2010

Introduction Part II

*Be sure to read Introduction first*

The climax of this story comes when I, the unsatisfiable, decides that we need to move to increase our business opportunities. We found a building in a small town to set up a pet shop. the landlord was a strongly feminist woman, almost to the point of man-hating. Needless to say, I got us in over our heads, buried in a mountain of debt and no where to go, miles from home.

Our stay there was anything but pleasant. I constantly quarreled with my husband, who I had manipulated into doing what I wanted much the way Eve had done Adam. Soon after moving in our landlady (bitterly divorced) saw no reason for my husband and filled my head again with all sorts of worldly ideas under the guise of a Godly sister just trying to help.

Embittered towards my husband, enraged by my plans for a grand business not panning out, worried by debt and depressed by our situation, I finally turned where I should have all along, God.

The proverbial light bulb came on and I immediately saw the error of my ways. I had disregarded my husband as leader of our family and shirked my God-given duties of being a mommy to my little boy. I had been the fool so oft spoken of in Proverbs and I was humbled by this.

I handed my life over to God and told Him to lead the way.

"..and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Mat 7:7

Soon after, my husband found a job that he enjoyed and we found a rent house that would take us with our bad credit and mengagerie of animals in tow. I had a special feeling about this house; a little dilapidated 1930's 2 bedroom, 1 bath with a large yard and storage shed; it was a perfect fit. I fully believed, and still do, that God led us to this house just as he led my husband to his new job.

Our debt still lingered from my reckless decision, we put everything into paying it off. When our hectic pace brought on by the new transition died down I took stock of everything. We didn't have much, we had given up everything to make the move and our business work. We had to sell most of our animals to pay our debt, our business was officially closed. And yet, we were happy. Truly happy. We had each other, I found a new joy at being able to stay home with my son, making up for time lost. I had trusted God and he led us, its as simple as that.

I set out a new goal, based upon bible reading and the leadership of other anti-feminist Christian women ( many whom you will find in my blog roll). I became joyfully submissive to my husband, prayed daily, sought out a church, tried to think kind thoughts and concentrated on being a helpmeet to my husband and a Godly mother.

For the first time in my life I felt fulfilled. I didn't need to make money to contribute to our family. I realized that every time I made dinner or wiped a nose I was contributing the way I should be. My husband and I began to get along beautifully, everything was clicking into place.

God had already blessed us so much but in April he blessed us a gain and I became pregnant with our second son. Over time I have only grown stronger in my faith, I have improved immensely in housekeeping and find myself having a lot more patience.
God's love is astounding and I owe all of this to Him.


Isn't it funny that the more discouraging our paths in life, the more awe-inspiring the outcomes is?
"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life.." Mathew 7:13

The path that led me to where I am today was one driven by foolish ambition fueled by feminist and worldly teachings. however, the choices made were truly mine and I hold myself accountable for both the good and the bad.

I was never satisfied. Not with my job, my degree choices (there were many changes), my home or my family. I kept searching for the next thing to make me happy, a better job, a bigger place, a new gadget or more clothes.

I never really knew God until just a few years ago. Before that I only knew of Him as a biblical boogie man who punished those who were bad. my parents had both been discouraged by religion, as I would be after attending a few random services and vacation bible school's.

I am sure God, through his grace, led me to my husband after going through a really bad relationship. But as many of us do, I went to God when I needed him and then turned my back on him when everything was "okay".


God helped me find my husband but we quarreled often, if I didn't get my way I would stomp my foot to get what I wanted. (Very embarrassing now that I think about it)
I continued my search for happiness through degree and job changes, even the establishment of a family pet business. And then I became pregnant with my son. "Now I'll be happy" I thought. But pressure came from everywhere that I couldn't be fulfilled staying at home with my baby, why, I wasn't even contributing anything. I had to finish my degree and obtain a high paying job, because money is the goal in life, right?

So my new, all consuming goal was our business. I figured it I was going to stay home I needed to find some way to be productive. So as I immersed myself int he feeding and housing requirements of a 100 reptiles and small animals and chased after the almighty dollar, my son grew up. He was there with me, but I was miles away.

Continued- Introduction: Part II