Thursday, October 20, 2011

Its Been A While

Thank you so much for your encouragement since I have been away.  Life has become a whirlwind and recent events have pulled me away from blogging.

While I am not one to boo-hoo on the blogosphere I feel that i must share how God touched our lives this July.

I found out I was pregnant with blessing number 3 in May.  We were so excited! But I knew something wasn't right - very little morning sickness.  Yes, I know each pregnancy can be different but still, it just never set well with me.  Week 10 - the midwife couldn't find a heartbeat.  But we didn't worry too much because they couldn't find one with Mikey either at 10 weeks.  It is a doppler afterall and the little stinkers like to hide from it.
 On the night of July 4th I was 12 weeks and started bleeding.  I was shocked.  I was terrified.  And Jason was out on call.  I hurriedly called him- no answer. Odd.  Again and again I called, sobbing now and fearing the worst. Jason always answered his phone, why not tonight? I felt lost and alone.  I put the kids to bed and then, only then, did I fall to my knees and asked God "Please don't let this be happening!"

But there was my mistake.  Running to my husband is not bad in itself, but where I should have ran first was the cross. 

I can't accurately describe what I felt as I prayed.  It was like a wave of calm washed over me, a peace.  It was like God told my heart "I love you, you are losing this baby, don't be afraid".  And I knew, I knew the baby was already gone.  I trusted God, not because I wanted to, but because the Holy Spirit led me to.  I opened my bible and listened to hymns.  First one that came up was "You Are My Hiding Place" by Selah.  I wept.

And then...Jason got my messages and called me back and then rushed home.  I have no doubt that this was orchestrated by God, wanting me to learn to lean on Him.

Wanting to know what had happened I called my midwife the next day and an ultrasound was scheduled.  A horrible experience.  The tech, after performing the ultrasound, informs us that she can't tell us anything, that we would have to wait for the doctor to tell us.  But we knew.

All day we wait, but the process has already begun I am in physical pain, but the worst is my heart.  My heart aches.

That evening we find out that the baby was lost at 6 weeks, my body was just now catching up and that they couldn't rule out the possibility of it being an ectopic pregnancy.


We named her (of course assuming she was a she).  It felt wrong not to.  She was a life, afterall.  So we named her after my late grandmother who was very dear.  Vada Ann Holder.

It seems like it happened so long ago.  Jason was my wonderful supporter during that time, I am so blessed to have him and love him so.  I thank God for him and our wonderful church family, many who have been in similar circumstances.  They were there with hugs and prayers, how amazing is the body of Christ!

And we remain strong in our belief to trust God in this area.  Who are we to think we can control life?

We are trusting God, He is the Author and Finisher of life.  May this bring Glory to His Name.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

What to do?

What to do with difficult people?  (by this I mean non-believers who are hateful, spiteful or otherwise "difficult" to converse with or be around)

I know the first thing is to pray, which I have been doing with fervor.  But how do you deal with them, I mean day to day, the nitty-gritty stuff. 

I know that we aren't to call non-believers our friends or socialize with them. 2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
But what about when its a family member? One that you are obligated to take of, not by simple morality but by Timothy 5:8.
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 

I know that I can not know someone's heart, I cannot know if someone is saved.  But God's word tells us we will be able to tell a believer by their works (not to say they are saved by works, they are saved by faith, but works are a fruit of their salvation).

I try to separate all other bad influences from our household.  Most come to us via entertainment but some through people that we no longer cultivate friendships with.  My question is: Am I required by God's law to cultivate a relationship with a person, even though they are not a true Christian (as far as we can tell) and are not what we would consider a good influence for our family IF they are a relative whom we must care for?
Or, are we obligated, as we currently believe, to tend to their earthly needs as best we can while fervently praying for their salvation and God's mercy for their deeds?

This questions sounds simple but then you complicate it with: Do you take this person to church with you? Even though you do not relegate yourself or your family to spending that much time with the person because of their actions any other time?  Is this a point where you "die to self" and take them as a ministry to the lost?  What if they have an alternate place of worship that they may attend (however worldly, useless it may seem)?

Can you sense my exasperation? 

If asked what we feel led to do the choice is clear.  I will be certain that person is cared for, that all of their needs are met.  But do not feel "led" in anyway to have them near my children or self again.  Prayer I believe is our biggest tool in this situation. 

And although I should not care what the outside world thinks of the situation, it worries me that our fellow believers in Christ may see our distancing, our unwillingness to participate in worship with this person (even though their worship is a farce) as a deliberate act of selfishness on our part. 

So, my question is : what to do? 

Friday, July 22, 2011


Today I am tomato staking.
Today I am praying instead of getting angry when I have to separate a fight for the 100th time. 
Today I am reading the Bible and praying over Jacob when he loses his temper and when Mikey is determined not to obey. 
Today I won't cry when I repack my maternity clothes. God saw fit to take her home and I can't begrudge him for that. 
Today I won't waste my time reading about how other housewives can do it better when I should be taking care of my own.
Today I will have everything done my husband has asked me to do.
Today I will consider deleting my blog.
God is helping me today because He knows I need it. Today I am clinging to the cross.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I have no title....

I really don't......all the creativity I once had has left me. 

First, I thought I would include a link to Konbit Sante, due to a request I had. In my last post I talked about getting together with some ladies and making birth kits for Haitian women.  It was an amazing opportunity to give babies and mommies a healthy delivery.   The website it was featured on is Craft Hope, a very interesting organization, all you crafters out there should check it out!

I am very happy to report that the tomatoes are in the ground and are flourishing.  It just took us moving back into the city to be able to plant a garden....go figure.  I went a little plant crazy but was careful when choosing which varieties would do best and Jacob is such a big helper now he helps me water everything. 

I feel a little like this person when I think of spring....

I never thought I would be excited about spring cleaning but I am so ready to start on it next week!  I'll do another post about that, but would love to know y'alls tips on spring/thorough cleaning.  : )

This week has been spent recooperating from my parents visit.  Does anybody know what I'm talking about? 
The visit went really well though, we all had fun and enjoyed it.  My parents even went to church with us...again.  That is the second time I remember my parents going to church...ever.  Glory be to God for His amazing works!

Getting back in the groove of things since Sickness 2011 hit us for 3 weeks.  I am LOVING my new routine, so much so that I've had no problem sticking with it, a post will be coming tomorrow on that.  : )

And finally, I'll leave you with this picture as we say good-bye to winter and hello to spring!

February 2011

 God Bless,

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Why I Haven't Been Here

Otherwise entitled: My List of Excuses.

1)We all got sick with a horrible virus (except my husband who waited on us and took care of the house, I love that man!)

2) have been going to routine Dr. checkups with my grandmother. Kind of creepy since I haven't been to a Dr. since Jacob was about 6 months.

3) Trying to get a solid routine set in place, and let me tell you ITS NOT WORKING! Its amazing how much being in a different house can throw you off.

4) We've been spring cleaning/organizing a garage sale.  This should only take us, I don't know, until next summer.....

5)Jacob and I have been doing "tot school".  Because a bored Jacob morphs into Tasmanian Devil Jacob. We've been making letter crafts and reading library books.  It all feels very "homeschool like"  and I am enjoying it. 

5) Jason and I had a talk this past Sunday because I was having a "bad morning" and threw a temper tantrum.  As embarrassing as it is to admit that, I think its important that I do.  So now, My husband has said that Saturday is officially "Get Ready for Sunday-Day" so future melt-down, hissy fits can be avoided. Ahem.

6) I was involved in a charity project to make birth kits for midwives in Haiti.  I had some friends over and everyone pitched in.  We made 18 kits!   I thoroughly enjoyed having people over and hope to do so again soon. 

So  there are my excuses, and now for my goals. 

- Jason wants to go to church Wednesday and attend Sunday School as well as service on Sunday........every week.  Yes, I know I only have 2 kids (3 if you count my grandmother!)  but it is hard work especially since I have no idea what I'm doing.  So I will be planning how to make that go more smoothly. 

- Exercise.  Ick.  I know I'll never look like 130 lb me but I would like to work on being more healthy. 

-Working on meek and gentle spirit, controlling anger and thinking joyful thoughts.  Man, that's work all on its own.

-Implementing another bedtime routine.  We get the kids on one and then jason goes on call and everything goes to pot.  *sigh*  i will be in charge of keeping up with the new routine while Jason's pressure there huh? 

Thats all for now, sorry for the rambling.  But if I don't write it down it stays in my head and nothing else will fit.  : )

God Bless,

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Calling

The circumstances behind my grandmother coming to live with us seem unimportant now.  Suffice it to say that her current living arrangements with her son and daughter-in-law (my parents) was not working out. 

I would like to say that it was my grand idea, that I willingly chose to be the good granddaughter and offer her a place to stay.  But it wasn't me.

It was God. 

How do I know that it was God? 

Because I am a sinful creature and therefore far too selfish to willingly sacrifice my time and room in my house for someone, let alone the grandmother who I had never really been able to get along with.  If I had been thinking clearly I would have helped find her a nice little room in a nursing home somewhere where she wouldn't be a bother.  That's what I would have done.  But this was God.

When God calls you to do something--- you do it.  I mean, whose to argue.  So when the idea popped into my head and my husband agreed fervently that this was in fact "the best thing to do", I thought:

"Hey! This will be easy!  Everything will be smooth sailing from here because if was God's plan"

THAT is where I really messed up. 

When things started to unravel from my marvelous plan on how things were going to go I remember crying out to God.  
 "I thought you wanted me to do this!  Why is it so hard?"

And immediately in my heart, a small voice:


Because sometimes God calls us to do messy things.  Don't believe me? Pick a Bible story, any Bible story.  Joseph and his being sold into slavery,  Esther and her calling to be a queen.....Christ.  The Bible is full of sacrifice.  Sacrifice of time, energy, money, family and sometimes their lives; all to fulfill God's glorious plan. 

Who was I to question?

People often compliment me on how nice I am to take care of my grandmother, that I am a wonderful person.  I appreciate it but I know its not true.  I am not wonderful, kind or even patient.....but HE is. And I know this because I, in my fallen nature, would not have willingly chosen this was chosen for me. 

"I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me" 
Phillipians 4:13 NASB

I would love to write more on this that I have been called to do.  I also want to let people know that "YES!" keeping your loved one at home to care for them is possible and, in my opinion, the best option.  But for now, I have breakfast to prepare, toys to find and a pill keeper to fill, in my BLESSED life. 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

New Year, New House, New...everything

Last year was just plain crazy.....

Mikey was born in January 

We moved out in the country in April

My grandmother had moved in with us in October.

I started babysitting a one year old little boy that goes to our church in December. 

Whew....I'm tired just reading that list.  But I also feel so very very blessed. 

And this year looks to have the same sort of excitement. 

January 2011 we BOUGHT a house!  yay!  ( I know I said bought but technically we are "buying" the house, but its still a step up from renting, eh?)

The move went amazingly well and I'll tell you why:

  We have the most wonderful church family in the world! 

A usual move for Jason and I consists of many, many, MANY trips with just me and him moving ALL of our belongings.  And of course we have to be crazy reptile people so some of those belongings are huge, heavy display cabinets and aquariums.  Not to mention, the world's heaviest entertainment center crafted by my dad, rustic carpenter extraordinaire. 

When Jason and I move it takes a month easy.  It took a grand total of 4 HOURS.  That is loading everything and unloading everything.  Yeah, I know, impressive huh?

We did have a few hiccups in the moving process, ie. transferring utilities.  As you probably know calling customer service is equivalent to gouging your eyeball out.  But everything eventually got turned on.......and we did finally get a trashcan 3 WEEKS AFTER ORDERING IT.  Ahem.  I'm still a little upset over that one, can't you tell?

On the personal aspect of moving, Jacob transitioned beautifully, this is officially our "new house" to him. Mikey wasn't sure at first, but has learned his way around.  Jason and I are in LOVE with it and praise God every day for making this possible for us.  My grandmother?  At 100 you would think the move would be a strain on her but it doesn't seem so.  The only difficulty we had is making sure we located all of her stuff pronto.  And she remembers....every.single.thing.   *sigh* 

Isn't it adorable?

The house by the way, is a 3 bedroom ONE BATH.  No, one bathroom isn't a problem for us, as in Jason, myself and the kids.  But you add my grandmother into the mix and you might as well order a Porta-Potty for the backyard. But I digress.....

It's in the city, something we didn't think we wanted until we found our church home.  It became difficult to attend anything because of the drive and trying to keep my grandmother and kids on some semblance of a schedule.  Being in town, we believe, will allow us to not only attend Wednesday service and Sunday school more regularly, but will also make it possible for us to help the people of our church more.  I believe God helped us get this house for a reason, HIS REASON, therefore, we desire to bring him Glory through it. 

So goodbye country roads, hello city livin'.....again.  But its not as bad as it sounds.  Our neighborhood is excellent, and what I mean by excellent is full of little old people.  The most excitement I see is 2 old men racing each other on their electric scooters, headed for dollar general. 

Yet, I can see HEB from my house.  Hip, Hip Hooray!  Of course there are also restaurants everywhere, so fighting that temptation will be difficult. But its 8 minutes from church and Jason's work.  Can we say, "Hallelujah"?  I think we can. 

Our giant dogs seem to be doing okay and we did keep 5 hens for eggs. City law says hens are okay but roosters are a no-no.  How more annoying can a rooster crowing be than the neighbors yappin' chihuahua?

The house was built in 1950 so it still has old house charm in the way of original hardwoods and glass door knobs.  "SQUEEL!!".. 

Originally a 2 bed 1 bath, at some point they added on a huge (15 x 18) den with a fireplace and a closet.  THAT is what we converted into our room.  I'll save details and pictures for another post. : ) Okay maybe just one picture but its not very good:

There is storage all in the house, closets, name it, I've got space for it : )  Also there is a nice shop and carport outside.  LOVE that, but not as much as Jason.  He's like a kid in a candy store when he goes in there and starts laying out his tools.  I'm sure he's happy about not having to rebuild his make-due tent/shed every week after the wind would destroy it out in the country. : )

Anywho, gotta get back to unpacking and chasing rugrats (Now 2 one year olds and a 3 year old, man, I gotta give it up to you "moms of many" out there)

Friday, January 14, 2011

Guess what??

Yeah, you guessed it, we did end up moving.  So now you understand why I've been absent on here as of late.  A lot of changes for the new year and tons of things to blog about.  Yet, there is so much life to be lived its hard to stop to blog about it. : ) 

Hope to "see" you all again soon!