I would like to say that it was my grand idea, that I willingly chose to be the good granddaughter and offer her a place to stay. But it wasn't me.
It was God.
How do I know that it was God?
Because I am a sinful creature and therefore far too selfish to willingly sacrifice my time and room in my house for someone, let alone the grandmother who I had never really been able to get along with. If I had been thinking clearly I would have helped find her a nice little room in a nursing home somewhere where she wouldn't be a bother. That's what I would have done. But this was God.
When God calls you to do something--- you do it. I mean, whose to argue. So when the idea popped into my head and my husband agreed fervently that this was in fact "the best thing to do", I thought:
"Hey! This will be easy! Everything will be smooth sailing from here because if was God's plan"
THAT is where I really messed up.
When things started to unravel from my marvelous plan on how things were going to go I remember crying out to God.
"I thought you wanted me to do this! Why is it so hard?"
And immediately in my heart, a small voice:
"I TOLD YOU WHAT TO DO, I DIDN'T SAY IT WAS GOING TO BE EASY"
Because sometimes God calls us to do messy things. Don't believe me? Pick a Bible story, any Bible story. Joseph and his being sold into slavery, Esther and her calling to be a queen.....Christ. The Bible is full of sacrifice. Sacrifice of time, energy, money, family and sometimes their lives; all to fulfill God's glorious plan.
Who was I to question?
People often compliment me on how nice I am to take care of my grandmother, that I am a wonderful person. I appreciate it but I know its not true. I am not wonderful, kind or even patient.....but HE is. And I know this because I, in my fallen nature, would not have willingly chosen this path.....it was chosen for me.
"I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me"
Phillipians 4:13 NASB
I would love to write more on this that I have been called to do. I also want to let people know that "YES!" keeping your loved one at home to care for them is possible and, in my opinion, the best option. But for now, I have breakfast to prepare, toys to find and a pill keeper to fill, in my BLESSED life.