Psalm 127 Part 1

Jason and I had discussed having children before we were married and we decided that we wanted to have a few but only when we were "ready". What is that?  How can you be "ready" for children?  

We had been married a year and had our own house when I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, most of our family and friends were less than thrilled. 

"Can y'all afford a baby? Their so expensive!"

"You've only been married a year!"  "You need more time to get to know each other"

"You'll never finish college now"

"You've ruined your life"

Now, we weren't unmarried teenagers mind you.  We were married 21 year old adults with a house and good jobs.  They acted as if I had been diagnosed with cancer, there was no hallmark brand happy tears and excitement.  We had committed a serious mistake, according to them, by becoming pregnant before the age of 30. 

Feathers became ruffled again when I did in fact quit my job and school to stay home.  But we promised that we wouldn't let "the kid" get in the way of anything else. 

I would like to say that when Jacob was born I fell immediately in love and overwhelmed with joy but while I was happy, I didn't find joy in my Son until he was almost 18 months.  Because I chose to see him as the world did, a mistake, a hindrance, a burden.  A tax write off, but nothing more. 

When God started working in my heart I saw what I was doing, I was ashamed and I sought forgiveness; from God, from my husband and from Jacob. 

My life is so full now.  Full of joy and happiness, and although there are hard times, I remember that my children were gifts.  Gifts that I should never take for granted.  More tomorrow.