Psalm 127 Part 1

Jason and I had discussed having children before we were married and we decided that we wanted to have a few but only when we were "ready". What is that?  How can you be "ready" for children?  

We had been married a year and had our own house when I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, most of our family and friends were less than thrilled. 

"Can y'all afford a baby? Their so expensive!"

"You've only been married a year!"  "You need more time to get to know each other"

"You'll never finish college now"

"You've ruined your life"

Now, we weren't unmarried teenagers mind you.  We were married 21 year old adults with a house and good jobs.  They acted as if I had been diagnosed with cancer, there was no hallmark brand happy tears and excitement.  We had committed a serious mistake, according to them, by becoming pregnant before the age of 30. 

Feathers became ruffled again when I did in fact quit my job and school to stay home.  But we promised that we wouldn't let "the kid" get in the way of anything else. 

I would like to say that when Jacob was born I fell immediately in love and overwhelmed with joy but while I was happy, I didn't find joy in my Son until he was almost 18 months.  Because I chose to see him as the world did, a mistake, a hindrance, a burden.  A tax write off, but nothing more. 

When God started working in my heart I saw what I was doing, I was ashamed and I sought forgiveness; from God, from my husband and from Jacob. 

My life is so full now.  Full of joy and happiness, and although there are hard times, I remember that my children were gifts.  Gifts that I should never take for granted.  More tomorrow.

EMERGENCY: AMAZON BOYCOTT

****UPDATE*** November 11, 2010, they had removed this book.  Yay!  But there are others, click on this link for more info

I didn't want to believe it when I heard it but I looked it up and its true. 

Amazon.com is allowing the sale of a book called:
"The Pedophiles Guide to Love and Pleasure"

(I won't dare link to it from my blog, but you can do a search for it if you need confirmation)

I am in still in shock, yet seething with anger.  Adventure of a Somewhat Crunchy Mama is calling for a boycott and I am right behind her.  

PLEASE take the time to let Amazon know what you think of this. We MUST protect our children, we Must take a stand.

Just Random Thoughts

I never thought I would enjoy mopping or any type of housekeeping.  BUT I DO.

Looking forward to Thanksgiving in the Monahans Sandhills.  Soooo excited that everyone else liked the idea too.  : )  Sure sliding down a sand dune on a huge frisbee may seem out of the ordinary for Thanksgiving but it beats the afternoon of football, turkey and naps that we have to look forward to usually. 

I want need this book.  Taking donations now.  LOL Just kidding.......sort of.

I have been putting off trying this recipe but I am determined to do it today.  Should have done it yesterday since it was Tomato Tuesday (more on that later) but ya know.......life happens. 

Jacob was punished after he hit Michael with a toy and caused a small gash beside his eye yesterday. Mikey was not amused, there were tears.......but then he wanted to wrestle Jacob. *sigh*  Am I right to assume this will be a regular occurrence?

Is leaving a potty chair in the living room when company comes a faux pas? I mean we are potty training right now. 

Promise I'll post something more worthwhile tomorrow but this is all I had in me for today. : )

God Bless,

Shhhhh! Don't tell the Potty Police.....

Sorry Danny, the peer pressure isn't working, we are not done with diapers.

but my 3 YEAR OLD ISN'T POTTY TRAINED YET!!!!

Jacob turned 3 in September and I awaited that birthday with fear.  Why?  Because he was not yet using the potty on a regular basis, he was still in diapers.

I felt ashamed.  

How awful of a mother was I if I couldn't even potty train him?  I mean they all say that that is the magical cut off point for potty training right?  I know some of them say 2 years and some even 1 year, but I had already passed those dates. What would they think?

His 3rd birthday arrived and I felt as if the Potty Police would show up at any moment.  I had concocted them in my head, can't you see them too?  Little black and white squad cars with toilets painted on the side.  They would show up and tsk- tsk me for not being more diligent, for not using the right methods, for not buying the right Car undies so Jacob would feel like going.

But the day of his birthday came and went.  There were no Potty Police at my door and they were strangely silent. 

It got me to thinking  how important potty training by a certain age is in respect to the whole of life.  Hmmm. 

Am I the only one who has noticed that the world does not come crashing down when your child doesn't crawl by this time or feed themselves by that time.  They keep living, things keep moving and eventually most children reach their milestones in their own good time. 

And before you think I am naive let me assure you that I do realize sometimes a child can be so sheltered and, quite frankly spoiled, that they don't reach milestones because they aren't allowed to.  But that is not what I am talking about here. 

I am talking about how we feel so pressured to do things by the book, because Dr. Phil said, because that doctor in that magazine says to get your child checked out immediately if they can't clap by 6 months or whatever it is.  Are we seriously training our children by their standards??

I would have loved Jacob to be potty trained as soon as he could walk, and I don't doubt that his trouble in this area was a combination of his development and my training. 

So he's still wearing diapers at 3 years old..........what of it?  He does go to the potty quite frequently and even manages by himself most of the time.  I see progress, but I also see forgetfulness, both on his part and mine. 

So to all who are afraid of the Potty Police or the Binky Brigade or whoever, remember how insignificant most of these things really are.  Concentrate on the important things like the health and well-being of your family.  Where is your child's heart?  Does he/she realize how amazing God is? THAT is an important question.  .
Read Generation Cedars amazing article here on that subject

PSSSSTTTT.....Have any potty training tips, tricks, hints......want to come do it for me??  I Heart Comments!

God Bless,

Discipline

In my last post I talked about how we don't discipline Jacob for "bouncing off the walls" because we thought we we were frustrating him.  After reading back over the post I was afraid that I made it sound as if we don't discipline him at all and oh, its just the opposite. However, we realize that leaving him idle creates problems.

Our beliefs on the subject:
1) We believe that children are born sinful.  Anyone who has watched a toddler for very long should realize this!
2)  We believe that God has entrusted us with raising our children to know His word and to worship him.
3)  We believe in not sparing the rod.  But we also understand that we must consider "their frame" in this.

Background information:  We listened to the world when deciding how to train and discipline Jacob, instead of trusting in God and his clear outline for it in the Bible.  We didn't adopt a biblical view of child training and discipline until Jacob was 2. That is toooo late!  It's more work to start when they first become defiant but we can already see the fruit of our efforts in our youngest.

So, I could go on about methods and what works but seeing as how we are behind in this I would rather point you to the resources that helped us get our feet firmly planted in biblical discipline, child training, and discipleship. 

1) The Bible
  
2)Great series on child training.   She has 4 youngins' and an outlook on child training taken directly from        God's word.  There are 8 parts so be sure to start at Part 1.

3)  On training babies.  http://inashoe.com - Search for Blanket Training

4) Taking babies AND children into church. For those who attend a family integrated, for those who don't read this about WHY family integrated is a good choice for the family.

5) Books
      Shepherding a Childs Heart by Ted Tripp
      Standing on the Promises by Douglas Wilson
      Christian Living in the Home by Jay E. Adams
     
6) This video/audio series is great.

I hope that these links help anyone who is struggling in this area.  Also, if y'all know of any good resources feel free to leave me a comment.  I will take all the help I can get!

God Bless,

Children and Chores

Doing the Laundry early in the morning, doesn't he look excited?  lol

It wasn't long before I realized I had to do something about Jacob.  More specifically his ability to turn into a wild-eyed heathen at the first sign of boredom.  And no I didn't medicate him, don't even get me started on that topic. 

I tried to entertain him, which was my first mistake.  I would pull out all the stops; toys, games and yes even TV, (SHHHH.....don't tell anyone!) all in the name of me being able to get some housework done and dinner on the table. 

Without, what I would call, formal child training, as in my mother teaching me or having the advantage of younger siblings or babysitting, I was at whits end.  Discipline didn't seem to be effective; Jason and I felt that we were only discouraging him. 

Then, one day ,in the middle of a bout of morning sickness, while cleaning the bathroom and trying to keep Jacob from literally bouncing off the walls I handed him the toilet brush, "Scrub!" I said.  He looked at me and smiled as if he held in his hand the most wonderful thing in the world.  He was 18 months when he found joy in scrubbing the toilet with the toilet brush. 

The merits of this were 3 fold:
1) It kept him "entertained" or busy.  Idle hands for Jacob lead to mischief LOTS of mischief.

2) It gave him a sense of satisfaction that you would not believe.  He bragged for days about cleaning that toilet!  He wanted to clean it everyday.

3) My toilet stayed clean : )  Seriously, it was a huge help to have him so willing and able to do this small task when I spent my time laying on the couch in morning sickness agony. 

His list of things he "could do" grew.  By the time he was 2 1/2 he was helping with more house and yard work than most teenagers I knew.

Doing dishes.  More like playing int he bubbles. : )

Currently at the age of 3 he successfully completes the following tasks:

Daily
-Meal time
  - sets dishes and silverware on table
  - helps clear table and wipes it down
  -occasionally helps wash dishes
-Laundry
     -brings the laundry basket (clothes are sorted into different baskets)
     -loads the washer and pours in the soap I've measured up for him
     -Starts the washer (i set the dial for him)
     - when the washer is through I toss the wet clothes onto the dryer door and he pushes them inside, adds
        a dryer sheet and hits the on button.
 - Living Areas
     - dusts everything with a feather duster
     - vacuums couch and carpet in bedrooms
-Picks up all of his toys and puts them up properly
-helps me make the beds
- throws things away
-picks up the yard
With his dad
-feeds the dogs and chickens and collects eggs (this is one we are currently working on)
- helps take out trash
-hands Daddy tools and puts them back etc

 (I believe there are more, I just can't think of them right now, its become like second nature)

Hmmmm.....it sounds like he does everything doesn't it?  Honestly he only does one major chore a day and then we work on everything else together. (I.E. I'm cleaning the bathroom mirrors while he wipes down the counters)  And trust me, I don't make him do it really.  He volunteers, begs and pleads.  He was made to work, to accomplish, to conquer, as are all boys I believe.

When I wanted him to hep me with something I start by showing him how I do it.  Then, I let him help with one small part of it.  For example, to start with the would only push the clothes into the dryer, the next time I let him do that and add the dryer sheet, the next time he pushed the button.  If he has difficulty I gently guide him, but I am lucky in the fact that he picks new skills up relatively easy like his Father.

If he didn't seem interested I would go ahead and start the task and he would come running over to help.  Very few times has he done this, he usually has to remind me to advance the laundry.  : )

I hope that I am teaching him responsibility and life skills he can use.  I hope that he is feeling accomplished in a job well done. I hope that I am teaching him that as a family we all work together to help each other and it is not all about "me, me, me!" as our culture would have us believe.

  I plan to continue with this practice for my second youngin' Michael.  I believe this will also help develop teamwork skills and camaraderie when brothers begin to work side by side.

This is a great link I found of a list of chores by age.  I can pretty much check off everything for the 3 year old category. 

So, in closing, don't feel discouraged when you feel like the toys need to be put away and your toddler, YES your TODDLER, should help you with something.  It may take you twice as long but the rewards are enormous.  Especially, if you have a ball of boy dynamite on your hands : )

After a hard morning, nothing like crackers, puzzles and a nap

So, what IS going on with us?

*Sorry about the really long post, I'll have some shorter ones coming up : )*

My grandmother on my Dad's side, Memaw, lived BY HERSELF from the time she divorced in the 50's  until she was about 97 when she moved in with my parents. She had taken ill and was sent to a hospital where they said she was too old to operate on and we were pretty much told just to wait for her to die. 

My dad and I went and picked her up and brought her to their house.  Since my husband and I lived next door and I had experience in the area, I cared for her.  She was bedridden, diabetic and on a liquid diet.  It was hard and I am ashamed of how much I complained now, not to her but to everyone else. But to the amazement of us, the aide I hired to help and especially the "experts" my grandmother became well again.  She now walks, unassisted, waits on herself and generally requires little to no help for daily tasks.  Everything looked good as the aide took over all responsibility and my husband and I moved here to Waco.

There was a  lot of emotional turmoil, building back home, which I conveniently ignored.  Old family rifts began to widen and I felt no real need to step in.  Memaw and I had never been close.  I shamefully admit, I turned away from what was going on instead of trying to help. 

 The problems grew.  It was no longer a matter of hurt feelings but of dangerous actions almost 3 years later when I finally realized on a visit that something had to be done, but what? 

A nursing home is a last option in our family, not the first.  And while they are sometimes needed they are often overused.  Much like our government run schools and daycares, nursing homes are where we seem to place our "burdens" when they are an inconvenience for us.

With my Dad being an only child we were out of options.  And that is when God said, " YOU".   It just popped into my head one day, I had always skirted around the possibility.  I had excuses:  I have 2 children to care for, I live too far away, I wouldn't know what to do......blah blah blah.  Jonah had excuses too, but God didn't want to hear them either. 

I went to the word:

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. 1 Timothy 5: 4

But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. 1 Timothy 5:8

It was like I knew that everything would work out, at least for a time.  That this is what I had to do, at least for now. 

I mean, I had taken care of a paralyzed diabetic man my junior and senior year of high school. I had take care of her when she was in far worse shape. I had received my Certified Nurse Training the summer before my senior year.We had the space for her, and I had the time, I'm really not that busy in the day. 

I tentatively brought the subject up to my husband and after careful thought and consideration decided it was the best thing we could do, without nagging or pushing from me.  He said "It's not the easy thing but its the right thing".    I love my husband : )

I asked Memaw about it, she said yes she would move in with us but.......it would cause problems in the family. And boy did it. 

I won't go into all of the details, this is far too public of a venue for such conversations.  Suffice it to say I came out of the discussion with my mother broken hearted, it took almost a month to fully deal with what was said, and I'll never "get over it". But I have found forgiveness for her and pray, that's all we can do in a difficult situation, right? PRAY. 

My dad agreed to move her down here so 1 week later she arrived with a flatbed trailer full of furniture, keepsakes and clothing. 

Before their arrival I spent the time busily preparing her room.  I moved the boys into the smaller room since all they do is sleep in their bedroom and this way she could have the large room at the end of the house. I used my old bed from my childhood and fixed it up with bedding and a window treatment.  I picked a shower chair and sprayer up for her and my husband set them up along with building a hand rail on our rental house. We set up a TV service, a phone line and a medical alarm for her. 

When the flurry of moving had come and gone our every day routines resumed and my dad went home.  She attended church for really the first time in 3 years that Sunday with us.  And even though she is Methodist and we are Reformed Baptist she LOVED it. 

So shortly after Memaw moved in with us she celebrated her 100th birthday on October 6th.   What a blessing.

It's been a little over a month and things have been uneventful, for this I give Thanks. Not only are things going well but we are finding that we are more alike than we had been led to believe. 

I know no matter how difficult it may become that God will lead us and though it may not be where we think we ought to be headed The Good Shepherd knows best.  Praise be to God.